


Perfect Match

by BlackVelvet42



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Big Cock, F/M, First Time, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Resolved Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 06:01:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16592192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVelvet42/pseuds/BlackVelvet42
Summary: "Breathless and dizzy, she stared at him as he muttered the most incomprehensible excuse to leave."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Killermanatee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killermanatee/gifts).



> Every smut writer should have an enthusiastic beta, who shamelessly encourages to write more, to go further and dig deeper, and then devotes her time and energy into correcting bad grammar and overused clichés:) Thank you Killermanatee, you're simply the best!

* * *

 

“Too small.”

Those were his final words, nipping their beautiful romance at its bud. After such a long, sweet build-up, the abrupt ending felt very much like a slap in the face.

From the instant attraction to the deeper connection, their journey had been loaded with a growing tension and the thrill of waiting. She had never worried because through every obstacle laid in their path, she had always maintained the certainty that the right moment would eventually present itself. Sometime, someplace, their feelings would be allowed to bloom.

The place turned out to be her quarters and the time somewhere close to midnight after a pleasant dinner to unwind from a long week.

Her couch had often been the place to enjoy the luxury of unhurried conversation spiced with light flirting. Only that night, the longing finally reached a boiling point, the desire crackling in the air so intense that one careless touch was enough to ignite the flame.

Their lips came crashing together in a wave of furious need, set to devour and explore and possess. His fingers threaded into her hair as she moved to sit on his lap, legs wide and gripping his broad shoulders for support. His hands roamed her body in heated hunger, down her spine from neck to ass and around her waist, up to cup her breasts through the layers of her uniform, his unabashed journey spinning her senses into a whirl.

She ground her hips on the noticeable bulge in his pants and curled her arms around his neck, pressing closer to deepen the kiss when suddenly he tensed and leaned away from her.

Breathless and dizzy, she stared at him as he muttered the most incomprehensible excuse to leave.

“You’re so small… Too small. I’m sorry, Kathryn, I can’t…”

Shaking his head, as if trying to clear a haze, he got up. “I have to leave.”

Before she had a chance to take in his words and gather her thoughts, he was already out the door.

She considered going after him.

His kisses had just shifted her whole universe and although he had practically fled her quarters, she was sure the feeling was mutual. Her skin still tingled from his heated touch and she could vividly recall the hardness pressing against her core. On the other hand, maybe they both needed to calm down before they could discuss their progression from here.

But the next day, he refused to talk.

Distant and formal, he defined crossing the line from professional to personal a ‘tremendous mistake’, apologized for any pain he might have caused her, and assured her nothing of the sort would happen ever again.

Reasoning with him got her nowhere. Insisting on answers to her questions made him close into a shell. Kindness and understanding to his hesitance merely pushed him further away.

If the situation hadn’t been so damn frustrating, she would have appreciated the irony. She had kept him at arm’s length for years, asking him to wait for her to make up her mind, only to have their roles reversed now that she was ready to move forward.

How she wished to possess even an ounce of his patience, to peacefully give him the time he needed.

In the end, he had no obligation to explain his change of mind, nor was she entitled to his private thoughts and emotions. If he decided to keep his reasons to himself, she would have no choice but to swallow the disappointment and find a way to adjust.

For a while, they managed. Somehow.

The flirting that had brightened her days faded into a memory, the meetings in her ready room turned all business again. No matter how confused and hurt she was, she could easily see he was too. But she held on to her promise to respect his privacy and didn’t try to bring up the questions again.

Yet in her free hours, she did wonder.

His wording had been so strange.

‘Too small’? What had that got to do with anything? At the time, she hadn’t even registered the meaning of those words, but later, she found her thoughts repeatedly drifting back to them.

Yes, she was a small woman, especially compared to his large frame. He had known this, they’d even joked about it, so why would her size suddenly become an issue?

The more she mulled over his behavior, the less it made sense to her. The whole scene seemed blurry, vaguely recalled, evading her attempts to analyze his motives.

The only certainty was that their chemistry had proven to be stronger than she had imagined, and judging by those few precious minutes she had spent on his lap, his hands caressing every part of her he could reach, she had no doubt they would be an amazing fit together.

Weeks went on and even though she was discreet in her musings and he did his best at avoiding her, the tension soon returned. Like the remains of a wildfire, ready to flare up at the slightest spark.

That spark turned out to be nothing more than a late-night visit from him to deliver a report she had requested. An awkward silence followed as they both realized he had not stepped inside her quarters ever since the incident and one hesitant glance at each other revealed a desire no length of time would extinguish.

Everything happened in a heartbeat. Tangling into a web of arms, hands and lips tearing kisses and clothes to press closer, skin to skin and breath to breath, the flames of passion licking away any reason.

But when her impatient fingers moved to work open his pants, he froze exactly as he had months ago, visibly pulling out of the fire, finding his sanity again, blatantly horrified at what they were doing.

“Kathryn…”

Eyes wild, he detached, yet this time, she was prepared.

“No. Don’t you dare. You are not leaving like this, not again.”

“Kathryn, please, you don’t understand. I’m so, so sorry this happened again, but nothing’s changed. This is still wrong and has to end here.”

She threw up her arms in frustration.

“Wrong? How on earth can this be wrong if we both want this? Do you mean because of Starfleet protocol?”

He took a few steps back towards the door and she moved to block his path.

“Talk to me, Chakotay.”

“No. Not protocol,” he muttered, running a hand over his face. “It’s me. I shouldn’t be with any woman.”

Out of sheer surprise, she let him pass, not even turning to see him disappear into the corridor.

That night, she found no sleep.

Was he ashamed of himself? Or maybe something he’d done? Whatever the underlying cause, seemed he didn’t feel worthy of closeness from anyone. What a terrible thought.

Left with little choice, she went to confront him. Not as his captain, but as someone who cared for him.

To her relief, he didn’t object when she suggested they meet, only offered the time and his quarters. Perhaps he sensed the situation had changed, that they had gone one step too far for her to give up and let the questions be.

The lights were low when she entered.

Without a word, she sat down on the couch next to him and allowed the silence to stretch. If he expected her to interrogate him, he would have to wait indefinitely. He was obviously hurting, and she was there to help.

“Can’t we let this be, Kathryn?” he tried, but she met his eyes with quiet patience and tenderness.

The engines’ hum was incredibly loud when it was the only sound to focus on.

“I can’t be with you,” he finally stated as a fact.

“Can’t be or won’t be? There’s a big difference.”

“That’s not a fair question. I don’t have a choice.”

She bit back her rebuttal and waited for him to continue.

He sighed and when he spoke again, it was barely a whisper.

“I can’t. I’ll only hurt you.”

Hurt her? Why would he think that?

“I don’t understand. Are you afraid we’ll end up arguing? Breaking up? Not able to reconcile our personal relationship with our professional one? What?”

“No. I mean physically hurt you.”

She almost snorted at the ridiculousness of the thought.

“Why would you say that?” she asked instead.

“Because I’ve hurt every woman I’ve been intimate with.”

Like the air had been sucked from the room, his statement shifted the conversation to a whole new level. He sounded as if he sincerely believed what he had said.

Dropping the role of a quiet listener, she turned to him, took his hands to hers, and looked him straight in the eyes.

“Chakotay, I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me, and I don’t know what you’ve done in the past. If you want to tell me, I’ll be happy to listen, but for as long as I’ve known you I…”

“I’m too big for you,” he blurted out, pulled his hands free, and moved to the other end of the room.

Her mind worked furiously trying to grasp the meaning of those simple words.

Too big?

And she was small?

Finally, it dawned on her.

“Chakotay, you can’t seriously think our physiques won’t match?”

“I know they won’t.”

“How would you know, when we haven’t even got that far? And don’t you think I should be given a say in this? In fact, don’t you think I would be the best person to make that estimate?”

“Kathryn, this is not a matter of an estimate or a debate. Every woman I’ve been with has admitted pain. And the rest… well, they didn’t get that far because they were too busy running out of the door the second they saw me.”

The bitter, empty laugh from him chilled her heart.

“Look. It’s never mattered how careful I am or how ready they’ve been, apparently it just always fucking hurts. I’ve witnessed it too many times, and I won’t do it again. You have no idea how it wrecks a man to see all those signs of pain and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

There was the slightest pause before he uttered the final wound.

“Or to see her pretending to orgasm when we both know she didn’t.”

Too shocked to think clearly, she sought for any frailty in his reasoning.

“There must have been someone who has enjoyed? I specifically remember Seska did?”

His snort was dark and grim.

“Seska thrived on pain. I… I don’t want to talk about her.”

For a moment, they fell silent, burdened by the harsh truths dragged into the light.

“So you see, Kathryn,” he continued in a softer tone, “I can’t take this step with you. I never thought we would get this far so I didn’t see any harm in some closeness. I’m so sorry I didn’t put an end to this sooner. Nothing would make me happier, but you’re too small for me and I care for you too much to take any risks.”

She studied his profile against the starlit window, shoulders slumped with defeat.

“That’s it? Aren’t you even going to ask how I feel about this?”

“No. It wouldn’t change anything.”

She gave him her opinion anyway.

“Frankly, I don’t understand your willingness to throw this away without even giving us a real chance. I’m sorry for your past experiences, but I don’t see how you can make such quick correlations between us and whatever came before.”

The steel in her voice drew his attention.

“I’m not like those other women, Chakotay, and what we have is different. You love me, and I love you just as much.”

“That’s just it, this IS the same…”

He paused mid-sentence, eyes darting to her.

“ _Love_ , Kathryn? You never mentioned love before.” His voice came low and raspy.

As if pulled by a magnet, he shifted closer to her, slow steps fueled with torment and hope competing for dominance.

“Say it again, please.”

She walked to him grinning openly, relieved to see him reconsider. Placing her palms on his chest, she lifted her chin and met his curious gaze.

“I love you, Chakotay, and I dare you…”

“No.”

“For the sake of our love…”

“Please don’t.”

“Let’s try this. Once. If for nothing else, then so we’ll never have to wonder what we could have been, better or worse.”

“Trust me, it’ll be worse.”

She raised a brow.

“Tomorrow evening then? Say, 2000 hours?”

 

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

 

She’d never thought waiting could be so erotic.

And nerve-wracking.

Far into the night, she lay in bed imagining the next day. His touch on her bare skin. His lips traveling from her neck to her breasts. And the feel of his cock sliding inside her.

She dipped a finger between her folds and gently stroked the bundle of nerves.

No doubt he would be large for her and, after so long since she’d last been with a man, the penetration could even hurt at first. She knew her body would adapt, though. There was no such thing as a man too big or a woman too small if they were careful and didn’t hurry.

And if she was honest, she couldn’t deny the thrill. The opportunity to feel what it was like to be completely filled, to her limits and past them, was a lifelong fantasy of hers. A challenge and a privilege.

Now that the moment was so close, the anticipation was almost intolerable.

Hand slick with her arousal, she pressed another digit inside and then a third, opening her thighs further. If she pushed as far as she reached, the stretch was already intense.

Dizzy at the thought of preparing herself for him, she added a fourth finger and held them steady while working her clit with the other hand and breathing deep. Not to climax, no, she didn’t want to steal any of the sensitivity from tomorrow, but to practice how to relax against the pain.

He was so worried about his size, convinced he was unable to give pleasure and because of that, ready to deny himself that intimacy for the rest of his life. As much as she wanted him for selfish reasons, she also wished their night together would begin to heal the wounds he had carried practically his whole adult life.

Deep down, she was sure Chakotay’s beliefs were the result of miscommunication.

First times were, after all, always a bit clumsy, not knowing the other’s likes or dislikes, uncertainty coloring the lust. Misunderstanding could easily occur and if repeated, the cumulative effect of failure and rejection would gradually become a permanent burden.

The best sex usually came much later. They’d just have to get over the threshold, before beginning the certainly delightful journey from there.

She fell asleep excited and confident, her last thoughts reflected in her dreams.

All night, she tossed and turned in bed, seduced by strange symbols and violent images springing from her needs, visions of large objects piercing and invading her body, ripping her open and filling her with burning ecstasy. Again and again, her sleepy fingers sought out her clit, attempting to rub away the growing tension, in vain.

When she woke up, she found herself undeniably, helplessly, thoroughly, in heat.

The sight of him on the bridge brought a fierce blush to her cheeks. They sat side by side like they had done for years, drawn to each other, aching for a forbidden touch. Only now, knowing the wait would be over in no more than twelve hours, focusing on anything else demanded great effort.

The whole day her imagination ran on overdrive, her stomach fluttering at the more fervent scenes flipping through her mind, unable to mask her preoccupation and glow of arousal. At the end of the shift, she escaped to her quarters to spend the remaining restless hours getting ready.

Touching herself in the shower, pressing her fingers inside her slick heat, not a shadow of doubt clouded her enthusiasm.

Not until she saw him.

If possible, he seemed even more distressed than the day before, torn by the conflict rooted deep in his heart.

By the looks of him, he’d been dreaming of her too, but his needs were coated with layers of fear. She could only imagine what he was going through; harsh memories of past disappointments and frail wishes for future possibilities tangled into a web, holding his passion behind self-restraint.

For a moment, she feared she might have underestimated the obstacles in their path, that she might have asked for more than he was capable of giving.

Yet the fever in his eyes gave her hope.

Intense in his silence, he followed her every step and when she came close enough to touch the side of his face, he leaned into her palm, naked in his hunger.

“Chakotay, please trust me.”

His tormented gaze shifted to her slowly.

“We’ll find a way to make this work, together.”

A trembling hand curled around her waist and settled on the small of her back.

“I’ve always trusted you, Kathryn. It’s myself I’m not sure of.”

With a shivering breath, he buried his face in her hair and drew in her scent, then continued in a raspy voice. “I want you so damn much I don’t know how I’ll be able to control myself.”

His confession was all the proof and push she needed.

She tilted her head and reached up on tiptoe, seeking his mouth and inviting him in. The soft touch of his lips matched hers, his hand slid down the curve of her ass, their bodies molding perfectly in shape and motion.

Everything about him felt good and right, every inch of him designed for her. There was no chance that their togetherness would be anything less than a miracle.

“Please talk to me, Kathryn,” he suddenly seemed to remember, breaking their kiss. “I need to know what you want, how you’re feeling, and if… when the pain comes.”   

Despite his persistent worries, she smiled. With trust and communication and a sincere will to help one another, they’d be fine.

“Of course,” she promised, bringing his hand to her lips and kissing each finger. “Right now, I’d like you to take me to bed and help me get rid of our clothes. I want to see you.”

Even though he momentarily froze at her words, she was confident in her decision. If he was so distracted and concerned how she would react to his body, anything they did would be encumbered with that weight until the matter was resolved.

She led him to the bedroom, but while she enjoyed his gentle kisses and caresses as he undressed her, she couldn’t help thinking that he was pouring all this tenderness into the act to help lessen the shock he was expecting from her.

Also, she realized, he was lingering, drawing out the moment until he would have to show himself.

She reached out to help him with the last of his clothing, but he shook his head and moved further away to stand at the end of the bed. All she could do was watch him, stripping with more determination than any kind of sensuality.

And then everything he had said became clear to her.

Before her, stood not only the man she loved, but a magnificent display of masculinity; dark and tall, hard and strong, like he was molded by an expert sculptor.

At his center, stood a cock born to be noticed, thick and beautiful, remarkable as the seven wonders of the ancient Earth, but shying away from the attention it deserved, half-rigid and cautious.

The chill began with a tingle in her scalp, washing over her face and along her spine all the way down to her toes. In the wake of the first wave, came a tide of hot and cold, of dread and awe.

If she hadn’t been stationed firmly on the bed, she would have dropped to her knees.

Mouth dry, heart pounding, pale and dizzy, she hoped the intensity of her reaction wasn’t too obvious.

He was definitely too big for her. Before the pleasure, there would be pain.

God, how she wanted him.

Without a shred of exaggeration, she whispered in complete amazement.

“You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, Chakotay.”

Undecided, the scene probably already deviated from the script written in his mind, he didn’t seem to know what to do. She had to crawl to him, take his hand, and pull him to bed next to her.

Facing each other she kissed him deeply, hoping to melt the sharpest edge of his insecurity with her desire. Then she trailed her fingers over his chest and paused on his abdomen.

“May I?”

With a weak nod, he gave her permission to proceed and closed his eyes, as if waiting to be judged.

Making no attempt to hide her curiosity, she moved lower to have a close look at him.

Undeniably, he was big, frighteningly so, and as her first touch on the smooth head caused a visible rush of more blood to strengthen his erection, she realized he would be even larger when fully aroused.

She swallowed, her own nervousness peaking.

Nevertheless, the twitch and rise of his cock instantly echoed in her a response beyond words or reason - a flood of new moisture between her legs, a clench of need at the pit of her stomach, and her pulse picking up a demanding rhythm.

They had been moving towards this moment ever since they’d met. There was absolutely no need to wait a second more.

She returned to his side, curled her arms around his neck and looked deep into his eyes.

“I want you inside me.”

Seeing the immediate objection in him, his firm belief to always, always prepare his partner well before entering her, she continued in a firmer tone.

“No more delaying. I’ve been dreaming about you for years. I’m sure and I’m ready.”

She hooked her leg around the back of his knees and dragged him between her thighs, pulling him on top of her.

Feeling his weight settle on her, his large frame covering hers, she sighed with delight, consciousness sinking into the realm of surrender.

“I should first help with my fingers to…”

“No.”

She snaked her hand between their bodies and guided him to her entrance. “Do you feel how wet I am for you? Now, Chakotay. Please.”

The seconds he stared at her, she could see the visible change in him.

At the determination in her voice and the open lust in her words, his fears finally seemed to crumble. Maybe it really was this simple. Maybe the sweetness of being wanted and accepted as he was, her need both feeding his passion and strengthening his confidence, ultimately allowed him to take the next step.

Widening his stance, he planted his knees firmly on the bed and aligned his hips with hers, every move measured and controlled.

She’d never seen him so focused. His eyes swept over her face, searching for the signs he was expecting. A stirring of the eye, a twitch in the brow, a clenching of the jaw.

Taking long, steady breaths, she calmed herself and let her mind drift with the sensation.

She moistened her lips as he pressed against the natural resistance of her entry, the blunt tip of him forcing her to open before easing back.

Another nudge moved him an inch deeper and the power of him made her moan regardless of the brief sting.

With the next steady push, the thick head of his cock slipped inside, bringing the burn to the front of her consciousness. She couldn’t suppress a wince.

Immediately, his eyes widened and with repeated apologies, he pulled out of her. Equally fast, she wrapped her legs around his hips and kept him in place.

“Kathryn, there’s no point in continuing this,” he pleaded. “There are so many other things we can do, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You really don’t understand, do you?”

Her words came breathless, urgent, almost desperate.

“I want you so much I feel like drowning, Chakotay. Please trust me, the pain _will_ go away, and I _will_ tell you if you’re too much for me. I cannot explain this logically, but I need you like I need my next breath. I want to feel you fill me and fuck me, hold me tight and roar when you spill into me. I want to taste your sweat and cry against your skin when I come, and I want to lay trembling under you, looking at you knowing we did this, together.”

In his eyes, she saw he did understand, the counterpart of that primal need reflected within him.

Determination set in his jaw, he grabbed her thigh high around his waist and pushed again. Past her entrance and into her body, slow and steady. He paused when she froze, but continued after a while without questioning again.

The impossible stretch made her tense and relax in turn, her eyes watering, but far above anything else grew the glory of him sinking into her. She sucked in breath after breath, little whimpers escaping her lips, attempting to stay afloat under the flood of sensations, teetering on the brink of her endurance.

And just when her faith was beginning to falter, their hips pressed together signaling he was there, embedded inside her all the way.

For a few blessed minutes, they simply lay connected, eyes locked in amazement. His stunned expression added to her delight, his vulnerability warming her heart.

Gradually, her inner walls molded around him, welcoming every precious inch of him. With the sting fading, she became aware of the vigorous pulsing of both, waiting for more stimulation.

Smiling through her tears, she cupped his face and kissed him firmly.

“Now, my dear man, let me feel you move.”

Gladly, he obeyed – and changed everything she knew about pleasure.

His first push was careful and tentative, barely a push to begin with, yet they both gasped, pupils dilating as the surge of ecstasy shot straight to their veins.

The same question was written on both their features.

Why did we ever wait?

His next faltering move made her cry out and clutch him, and he bent to cover her mouth with trembling lips, a sheen of sweat forming on his forehead.

Nothing in her life came even close to this bliss.

In a few minutes, he had become her whole world. His delicious weight pressed her down, his scent filled her nostrils. His moans mixed with hers, their breaths united. And the size of him filled and stretched her completely, massaging her delicate nerve endings in all directions from the depths of her to the sensitive nub throbbing in rhythm with his cock.

Gulping, he continued with a longer slide that made her back arch up from the bed, her hard nipples biting into his chest. Through the howl escaping her throat and the blood pounding in her ears, she heard him groan and curse, self-control strained tight as a bowstring. Both close to coming.

“I need you to finish first, Kathryn,” he panted through gritted teeth, seeking her eyes for a sign she heard and understood.

Somewhere in the red haze her mind had become, she registered his plea and nodded.

Confidence fueled by her obvious enjoyment and support, he picked up an intensifying pace. Slowly out, and with a growing force back, rotating his hips at her clit. Measured moves, aiming at perfection.

She could no longer focus, only feel, her words blurred into a delirious gratitude.

The pressure built up sweet and strong, rippling along her thighs and spine, gathering energy from her whole body as he slid in and out of her, pumping her over the edge into the fullest, richest, and loudest orgasm of her life.

Right after her, he allowed his own release. Thrusting in helpless abandon, he growled out years of suppressed need, and spilled his essence deep into her core, gripping her like he would never let her go again.

Finding a way back to reality was a slow process.

Despite the slight discomfort, she gladly stayed joined as one in this most primitive of bonds. Gazing at each other, catching their breaths in a shared wonder, there was no need to move.

Eventually, the turbulence and disorientation turned into a softer warmth and a glow of satisfaction. Not far behind, followed a profound realization.

A barrier had been crossed, a journey started.

From the lightness in their chests, the joy broke free into a silly grin of two people, knowing that despite their differences - or exactly because of them - they were, indeed, a perfect match.

 

* * *

 

 


End file.
